“It would be too broad to say that men hate women, men are afraid of women, men desire power over women–though there are certainly men of whom all these things are true, there are many more men of whom none of these things are true. Yet there’s the malice. Creeping and ugly and everywhere, as though it has a life of its own. In the developing world it tends to take a very frank, graphic form: acid attacks, rape as a tool of war, sex-selective abortion, female infanticide, chronic neglect of girls. (The latter three are becoming so prevalent that they have skewed the global gender balance. By a slim margin, despite the natural tendency of women to outlive men, there are now more men in the world than women.)
Yet the malice in the developed world is no less ominous for being rationalized and rich and dressed-up. Though no one would ever think of using the term honor violence (we reserve that descriptor for brown people who live somewhere else, motivated by religious something-or-other or tribal something-or-other), one-third of women murdered every year in the United States are killed by their intimate partners. In 2005 that amounted to 1,181 women, or three women every day. To put that in perspective, the UN estimates there are 5,000 honor killings every year in the entire world. 5,000 in a world of 6 billion versus nearly 1,200 in a single country of 300 million. In other words, a woman in America runs a greater risk of being killed by her husband or boyfriend than a woman in Pakistan. Those are scary numbers.”—How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Feminists | G. Willow Wilson (via fridayfelts)
“Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.”—
EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS.
Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week.
It’s not a PHASE. It’s not a CHOICE. It’s not LAZINESS.
“Kids play T-ball, then baseball; they play games and have practice every week and, if they’re serious about it, pre-season and post-season too. We never think, “Let’s have kids play baseball for eight weeks in seventh grade,” and then expect that in five years they can join the majors or even be on a college team. But for some reason we do this with civics. We say, “We’re going to have you do a penny harvest in fifth grade and a service learning project in tenth grade, and then we’ll teach you abstractly about government for a semester in twelfth grade.” Then our students enter the major leagues of citizenship, and we give them the vote and expect them to keep our country going. And that’s just crazy!”—
Remember? Remember how our president gave speeches shortly thereafter about finding “common ground” on abortion? Don’t you wonder where, exactly, that common ground is? Is it on “Let’s come to a compromise on how many healthcare providers you assassinate per year”? In the wake of a Southern string of 3 targeted burglaries at clinics and 3 women’s health buildings set aflame (some of which don’t even provide abortion care), wouldn’t you really like to know what common ground looks like? “Let’s agree that no one likes fires in the summer; you could at least save arson for the winter months”?
Where’s a libertarian declaring “Those who would trade liberty for security…” when you could actually use one?
Dr. Tiller didn’t fuck around like that. They massed outside his office, and he had a huge sign printed: “Women need abortions, and I’m going to provide them.” No mincing, no equivocating, and no compromising his patients’ care. He went to work every day to protect women’s freedoms. Someone shot him in both arms, and he went back to work the next day. He had a gate at the clinic and wore a bulletproof vest — but his murderer shot him in the head, at church.
Here is the thing, okay? Coming into a feminist conversation with, “Have you considered that sometimes women acquire free drinks at bars?” is like walking into graduate school during Philosophy finals and saying, “Have you considered that the color blue that I see may not be the color blue that you see?”
Imagine you are the guy who just walked into that Philosophy class and laid that shit down. Imagine the class full of students who have worked very hard and committed themselves and sacrificed to be here, students who have spent several years of their lives learning about this subject. Imagine now their feelings when you go to the head of the classroom with a smirk on your face and demand the professor give you an A for effort. Imagine now that they think you are a douchebag asshole, because they do, and because you are. You are a douchebag asshole because you are obviously so self-centered, arrogant, and completely ignorant of the world around you, that you thought you could walk into a high-level course with no background and no work and say something profoundly simplistic and totally unrelated and also everybody should congratulate you for having done this thing, so brave, so provocative.
You are not asking us a real question. You are simply illustrating, for all to see, your own ignorance. You are saying, “I have not considered the implications of the question I have just asked. I have not taken the time nor effort nor commitment to sit down and ask myself this question. Instead, I have come into your philosophy classroom/office/feminist blog and shat out my question with a smirk, because I believe that my two seconds of thought are worth more than your long-term analysis, because I believe I am worth more.”
In my experience, the men who are most likely to come into feminist groups to criticise them are self proclaimed ‘intellectuals’ who turn up to demonstrate to people just how oh-so-clever they are, to masturbate over their ‘logical’ arguments, to incite ‘new and stimulating’ debate about subjects that have been done to death, to willfully ignore how they are erasing experiences and silencing people, just so that they can have a few moments of ‘thrilling’ discussion in their otherwise dull, highly privileged lives. And when this brief adrenalin rush is over? They can go home, safe in the knowledge that they have shown all these silly hysterical women exactly what’s what, safe in their privilege which means that they do not have to give this encounter more than a passing thought. Believing that they have made a difference. And this makes me sick.
So, this is actually a pretty good example to use. Perhaps these men will read it and we can get it through their pseudo-intellectual heads that this is not ok. This is harmful behaviour and contributes absolutely nothing of worth to anything at all. Feminism has enough flaws as it is. Feminism is, by and large, racist, transphobic, ableist, homophobic, and classist. We do not have time to pander to these individuals too. If men really want to help? Commit to being a good ally and give us the opportunity to solve these problems without this almost constant hindrance.
As a man, I have no problem with women generalizing men as rapists, misogynists, yada yada. Because I’ve seen men do some vile shit and had to stop even viler shit from happening. This is from the 3rd grade to now. Waayyy out of line touching, sick name-calling, physical…
“Being feminine is being desired and hated at the same time. A feminine body or mind is expected to be open and receiving to everything from others’ emotional baggage to sexual fantasies of total strangers. At the same time, receptivity (not that this defines femininity by any means) is considered weak and inferior. The result of this is often violence. Femininity is to be present for other’s needs and then destroyed for its perceived weaknesses.
Being feminine and of color is especially dangerous. Not just because we are a walking target for racist, stereotyped sexual fantasies but because so often we are blamed for being that. I am Latina so I shouldn’t press my luck by acting and dressing too “spicy” too provocative.”—
“[T]ake the notion of “political correctness”. It is true that movements of conscience have piled demands onto people faster than the culture can absorb them. That is an unfortunate side-effect of social progress. Conservatism, however, twists language to make the inconvenience of conscience sound like a kind of oppression. The campaign against political correctness is thus a search-and-destroy campaign against all vestiges of conscience in society. The flamboyant nastiness of rhetors such as Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter represents the destruction of conscience as a type of liberation. They are like cultists, continually egging on their audiences to destroy their own minds by punching through one layer after another of their consciences.”—
Any time someone brings up “well I’m not ‘politically correct’” it calls for a mega-side eye. Because, what? Your desire to say whatever you want however you want to say it trumps the comfort and well-being of the people around you?
I’ve seen this new statistic going around tumblr and while the number of people who are pro-choice really IS higher than 41% like STFU Pro-Life has pointed out, I just want to reiterate that the amount of people who are pro-life or pro-choice doesn’t matter.
Even if pro-lifers were the majority (which they aren’t) it doesn’t matter. The opinions of the majority do not get to define the rights of the minority. We don’t vote on people’s rights in the US. The fact that they are rights makes them something ALL people are granted and the right to privacy is guaranteed by the constitution and is the basis for the right to choose.
You don’t get to vote on that, so it doesn’t matter who is in the majority (to be clear, though, over 70% of people are pro-choice and a large majority of them don’t realize it because they don’t understand what it means to ACTUALLY be pro-life) because the right to choose isn’t something we get to vote on. It is constitutionally guaranteed by the right to privacy and Roe v. Wade wouldn’t be overturned by even the most conservative of Supreme Courts for that reason.
“We used to think Earth was special and unique. It wasn’t. We thought the Sun was special, it’s one of a hundred billion suns. The Galaxy’s special? No there’s a hundred billion galaxies. We have one universe… or do we?”—
Willie J. Parker, an obstetrician based in Washington, D.C., didn’t always perform abortions. He’s a Christian from Birmingham, Ala., who initially refused to even consider the procedure.
But about halfway into his 20-year career, he changed his mind. Now, he’s one of those rare doctors who is willing to push the limits and provide abortions at 24 weeks of pregnancy. That places him among only about 11 percent of all abortion providers who will do the procedure that late in the second trimester.
Click through to read more.
This interview is wonderful. He talks about who he sees coming in for later-term abortions, fetal pain, waiting periods, and anti-choicers targeting racial minorities. Read it!
Nothing like driving into a summer storm with the moon still riding above you, racing you to the clouds and the lightning with the windows down, music blasting, steam rising from hot pavement and the taste of rain on your tongue.
Makes you remember how small you are and how grand all this chaos is. Speed into it people! Open your arms to the rain, scream out loud with the thunder and embrace the madness, it will remind you that even if you are only a tiny speck of nothing on a mote of dust floating in a sunbeam that life, as small as it may be, is one hell of a fucking ride.
“Many men who harass women say their intent is to compliment them, but why do they usually not “compliment” women who are accompanied by other men and often only do it when a woman is alone? Why do they tend to object to other men “complimenting” their female significant other (if applicable), female friends, or female family members? Why do some men grow hostile and violent when women do not thank them and act flattered? Why do they feel compelled to compliment women at all? Rarely are they expecting a date. Many times they do not even wait to see a woman’s reaction as they fly by in their car or as they turn to start harassing the next woman. They are doing it to exert their power, to entertain their friends, to relieve boredom, or do demonstrate that they can evaluate a complete stranger to her face, just because she is a woman.”—
The thing that so many men need to understand is that women do not consider it a compliment when they are being harassed on the street. Women usually feel either embarrassed or terrified or a combination of the two. So stop fucking doing it.
it’s so telling that men tend to do this when they’re in a group of other men. and i’ve never had it happen when i’m hanging out with dudes, especially not when i’m with my ginormous dad (most men don’t give a fuck about harassing me if i’m with my mom who is as small as i am). so if it isn’t sexual, or threatening, and you just want to ~make me smile~ then why can you only do it when i’m perceived as vulnerable?
I would add that it rarely happens or when I am around men who know that I am dating someone at that time. Many men (certainly not all) are willing to lay off if they perceive that you are “owned” - otherwise, you’re public property, and they’re free to treat you however they like. Any competition that erupts is less to flatter the woman than to establish temporary rights to her, even if they must degrade her to do so.
that or the nature of the so-called compliments will change if youre w a man. they will go from a respectful “you look beautiful this evening” when youre w a dude to some vulgar shit about your pussy, if youre alone. because youre not worthy of respect as just a woman.
Consent to sex will never be consent to pregnancy. Saying such is akin to saying that consent to driving is consent to being in a car crash. And even still, are you really so cold to say, “It’s your own fault, so you don’t deserve health care”? Fuck you.
Who the fuck are YOU to determine what…
Except getting pregnant is NOTHING like getting into a car crash. Just saying. (In most cases) it’s not a danger to you AT ALL. Getting into a car crash can kind of kill you. Like so can getting pregnant I guess, but with modern technology what REALLY is the chance of that???
Bahahahaha. Pregnancy without consent is a form of torture, and horrifying side effects of both pregnancy and childbirth are a lot more common than anti-choicers would have you believe.
Pregnancy and Childbirth complications are the number one killer of women ages 15-44 worldwide.
These are the normal, frequent or expectable temporary side effects of pregnancy:
— exhaustion (weariness common from first weeks) — altered appetite and senses of taste and smell — nausea and vomiting (50% of women, first trimester) — heartburn and indigestion — constipation — weight gain — dizziness and light-headedness — bloating, swelling, fluid retention — hemmorhoids — abdominal cramps — yeast infections — congested, bloody nose — acne and mild skin disorders — skin discoloration (chloasma, face and abdomen) — mild to severe backache and strain — increased headaches — difficulty sleeping, and discomfort while sleeping — increased urination and incontinence — bleeding gums — pica — breast pain and discharge — swelling of joints, leg cramps, joint pain — difficulty sitting, standing in later pregnancy — inability to take regular medications — shortness of breath — higher blood pressure — hair loss — tendency to anemia — curtailment of ability to participate in some sports and activities — infection including from serious and potentially fatal disease (pregnant women are immune suppressed compared with non-pregnant women, and are more susceptible to fungal and certain other diseases) — extreme pain on delivery — hormonal mood changes, including normal post-partum depression — continued post-partum exhaustion and recovery period (exacerbated if a c-section — major surgery — is required, sometimes taking up to a full year to fully recover)
These are the normal, expectable, or frequent PERMANENT side effects of pregnancy:
— stretch marks (worse in younger women) — loose skin — permanent weight gain or redistribution — abdominal and vaginal muscle weakness — pelvic floor disorder (occurring in as many as 35% of middle-aged former child-bearers and 50% of elderly former child-bearers, associated with urinary and rectal incontinence, discomfort and reduced quality of life) — changes to breasts — varicose veins — scarring from episiotomy or c-section — other permanent aesthetic changes to the body (all of these are downplayed by women, because the culture values youth and beauty) — increased proclivity for hemmorhoids — loss of dental and bone calcium (cavities and osteoporosis)
These are the occasional complications and side effects:
— hyperemesis gravidarum — temporary and permanent injury to back — severe scarring requiring later surgery (especially after additional pregnancies) — dropped (prolapsed) uterus (especially after additional pregnancies, and other pelvic floor weaknesses — 11% of women, including cystocele, rectocele, and enterocele) — pre-eclampsia (edema and hypertension, the most common complication of pregnancy, associated with eclampsia, and affecting 7 - 10% of pregnancies) — eclampsia (convulsions, coma during pregnancy or labor, high risk of death) — gestational diabetes — placenta previa — anemia (which can be life-threatening) — thrombocytopenic purpura — severe cramping — embolism (blood clots) — medical disability requiring full bed rest (frequently ordered during part of many pregnancies varying from days to months for health of either mother or baby) — diastasis recti, also torn abdominal muscles — mitral valve stenosis (most common cardiac complication) — serious infection and disease (e.g. increased risk of tuberculosis) — hormonal imbalance — ectopic pregnancy (risk of death) — broken bones (ribcage, “tail bone”) — hemorrhage and — numerous other complications of delivery — refractory gastroesophageal reflux disease — aggravation of pre-pregnancy diseases and conditions (e.g. epilepsy is present in .5% of pregnant women, and the pregnancy alters drug metabolism and treatment prospects all the while it increases the number and frequency of seizures) — severe post-partum depression and psychosis — research now indicates a possible link between ovarian cancer and female fertility treatments, including “egg harvesting” from infertile women and donors — research also now indicates correlations between lower breast cancer survival rates and proximity in time to onset of cancer of last pregnancy — research also indicates a correlation between having six or more pregnancies and a risk of coronary and cardiovascular disease
These are some less common (but serious) complications:
Innocence is remarking how sad it is that people have to know about things like child molesters and kidnappers and so now have to think about ways of protecting their children. Or how terrible it is that they have to be knowledgeable of rape culture and so have to be concerned for themselves when they walk to their car. Which is implicitly shaming survivors for daring to speak and breaking one small piece of their precious little innocence.
Or how horrible it is to tell your children that gay people exist, or trans* or maybe one day (heaven forbid!) that people who defy these neat categories also exist.
God forbid anyone who isn’t straight or cis or white or financially comfortable or non-abused not live in fear and shame and silence for the sake of your own comfort and innocence.
I’m not saying, “CHILDREN SHOULD BE TOLD EVERYTHING FROM BIRTH.” But I am saying that innocence, as a concept and as the way it is reinforced, comes at the expensive of trampling on those that aren’t innocent. It is as though by families shielding their eyes from the wounded bodies lying on the ground, they can walk all over them and claim good intentions and innocence as their excuse. And sometimes? In fact, far more than sometimes, it’s your own kids that you’re walking over.